In between my last tutorial and my second one, I hadn’t done too much to advance the Cited project although I had prepared an ideas sheet. However due to my chronic inability to have a functioning memory, I left the work in a lecture theatre and could not procure in time for the second tutorial.
I tried to sweat it off and hope for the best but I have to admit that this tutorial did not go very well. Actually it was very frustrating. It was frustrating for a number of reasons, a couple of which I don’t really want to go into, but I will go into the two main reasons.
The first reason is that I suck at communicating. I find it very difficult to get my points across clearly. I tend to let my work to the talking for me but all I had this time around were some figurative drawings of quick ideas of humans that are warped with cybernetic features, those and my object which was only there because I had forgotten to take it home. It just wasn’t enough to convey the ideas that I had. I think the other thing was that I wasn’t even sure what I was doing so how on earth would anyone else? But at least in the last tutorial they had gotten the right end of the stick but I really didn’t think I was even in the right ball park this time around. And this leads to problem two.
I think part of what was upsetting me was that I felt like I was being cornered into doing a purely art project whereas I’m far more interested in doing a more design orientated exploration. I’ve never understood why, but just doing straight up art like you might find the art gallery has never sat well with me. I want more functionality in my work, I want it to fulfil a purpose even if that is just something like some graphic design for the sake of verisimilitude in a computer game or movie. The more I asked myself the terrified I got of thinking about just doing some figurative sculpture that ends up on a plinth.
The other thing that worried me was that I couldn’t help wondering if I had the entire project all wrong and to some extent even the entire course. I can’t help but be thinking of late that the course can be a little bias towards the straight art side of things and doesn’t seem to have as much room for the more craft based things or design and I’m not going to lie, that really concerns and borderline terrifies me.
The other thing was that worried me was that my way of working was just not accepted because it wasn’t a certain way. That is not to say that I think my drawing ability is all that, because it’s not. However, there is a huge difference between something being criticised because it is inaccurate or not quite right in some way and it being criticised due to stylistic tendencies and direction. Of course there can be valid criticism about art direction/style (I hate saying ‘art style’) if it simply isn’t appropriate. For example would Shadow of the Colossus be half the game it is if it looked like Animal Crossings? No, no it would not it would look ridiculous. However I would be perfectly fine if the criticism was something like ‘you need to work on your foreshortening’ because that refers to an actual technical issue that would throw off a whole piece and make it look stupid.
To put it simply, my work tends to take on a cleaner, clearer and concise aesthetic so that it is easy to understand very quickly. If my drawings ever look very scribbly and ‘expressive’ it is only because they are being done extremely quickly straight into pen and are not given as much thought or because I have been drawing in pen and I have made a mistake so I scribble over the correct lines to make them bolder and easier to see through the mistake. This way of drawing is likely the heavy influence of manga that shows in my work although having said that, as much as I love reading manga, I do not draw things in order for them to look manga. I just take certain simplifications that are the backbone of manga but I tend not to render the faces like that of a manga or anime character. This is my preferred method. I do not like to draw big unless something really calls for it and the things I draw don’t tend to. I do not like to ‘scribble’ when drawing certain things because to me, it removes the functionality or it just doesn’t need to be that way.
I’m sorry if this turned into a bit of a rant or it seemed unkind. It’s just I was left feeling very frustrated with myself. It was my failure to communicate anything properly. I was left more confused about the project than I was before because I don’t know how closely I am meant to hark back to this object of mine. I got the impression from my last tutorial that it was perfectly fine to cite the capabilities of my object rather than the object and it’s physical qualities but honestly I just don’t know anymore.
I hope to have a more solid idea in the coming weeks and hopefully I can feel a bit more secure and sure that I’m in the right place and am doing the right thing.